What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
