$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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