she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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