I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
