So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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