I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize