I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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