and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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