you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
