hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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