my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
