I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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