I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
