Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
