I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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