it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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