I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
