Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
