do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
