Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
