the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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