Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
