pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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