hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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