i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
