We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
