forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize