I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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