Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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