I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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