we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
