I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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