So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
