Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize