Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
