some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
