Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
