I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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