Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
