You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
