When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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