so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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