She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
