Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
