That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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