Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
