I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
