who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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