JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
