Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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