so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
