I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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