woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Enjoy the penises
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
