I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
