SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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