i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
