the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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