it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
