it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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