I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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