Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
