goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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