i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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