Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize