I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
