Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
