I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
