Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
