Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
