We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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