Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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