you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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