You're a womanizer and a bitch.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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