Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
