My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
