You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
