what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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