kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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