I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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