if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
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My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
two words...techno handjob
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just forgot I was standing up.
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