you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
