You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
