The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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