my vag is so smooth its legendary
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you inspire me to be a worse person
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
