why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
