Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
