I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
