the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
