There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
