you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
