Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You left your phone here
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